That One Scar.

“It was a day of power-packed joy. The echoes of loud yet sweet laughter were heard. Indeed, my friends and I were legit having the time of our lives at the restaurant, eating our hearts out and reviving high school memories that were full of ups and downs, yet more than worthy of cherishing.

But there was something that was lacking 

“The real me was ironically an open book with every page flipping, but only when I was completely alone with no one to read me. I put on my earphones to listen to my favourite love songs. I felt myself shutting my eyes, swaying to the melodious tunes and smiling bashfully to myself. I was in another world. I was very much aware of the illusion I was imagining with open minded eyes. I enjoyed it way too much.

Yet, I felt a weird emptiness…

“I had gotten the results of my semesters. They turned out to be way more than I had expected. Wishes and cheerful yelling from my family were the only noises filling the entire room. Though this was the kind of crowding I thoroughly enjoyed. I was jumping around. I received nothing but hugs and kisses. At the same time I was online on facebook, where all of my most beloved people were congratulating and supporting me.

Although, in this happy moment, I felt something missing…

“It was the school alumni meeting day. My parents had decked me up so much that it annoyed the hell out of me. Still, I obviously wanted to look charming. I felt extremely nostalgic, being a college student going back to my old school. When I entered the gate, I watched the skies tremble hearing my ex batch mates call out my name in their loudest voices. I was more than overwhelmed to have been welcomed so happily.

Yet, I felt a certain voice was unheard…”

“I was sitting on a chair that was situated at the backdrop of the garden. I terribly craved for a break. With my phone in one hand, I take sips of coke from my coke glass. I was at a relaxed pace, scrolling through my news feed. But, my phone battery had died the next minute, and I slapped my thigh with frustration. The next minute, my gaze went above my phone, to the surroundings, only to catch people smiling, hugging, gossiping and laughing with their loved ones. I happened to look at the side of my place where I was sitting, and before I could divert,

a certain memory stirs back in my mind….”

Well, let me tell you, my significant other. Amazing memories, yet, you left. I explore to my heart’s content, where I see perfect moments, amazing people and breathtaking things. I devour every second of happiness I get from them, with full vigour. Yet, I loathe the empty space that takes over with your loss. A small scar in my heart that burns like wildfire every time, in the long journey I am travelling in the name of life. Sometimes, I wonder why I keep paying attention to the one scar which is the ultimate bane of my perfect life, when I should be connecting myself to the world and spreading volts of joy, like electricity? But, did you stay? Or did I just go wrong anywhere? I guess, it was too late to find out. The impact of your presence had made its mark. The hardest memory that keeps playing inside my head, was the last goodbye you had uttered to me, which was too early for you to say, even before unfolding the answers I ardently wished to seek. Unclear answers remained, I hoped, would eventually fade away within the long run. Somewhere at the corner inside, gratitude is all I am left with, to have instilled your memories wherever you’ve left them. I still miss every minute I had with you. The more I widen my smile, the more I break inside. Although it may be oblivious to the world, it is just for the best.

-badgirltanu

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P.S: It is totally out of my experience, this concept was an overnight idea, which I am really proud of. :’)

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